September 2010, I was diagnosed with stage 2, HER2 positive, invasive ductal carcinoma – breast cancer.  I wasn’t taken aback by the diagnosis; I knew in my heart, that I was going to be alright.    I had been what Christians refer to as “saved” for a long time before being diagnosed.  In fact, I wasn’t just saved, I’d worked in ministry, preached the gospel, led the praise and worship leaders, taught young ministers…you know, “real saved.”  That said, I thought I understood thankfulness.  I was very thankful to God for life and all the gifts that it brought.  I was thankful for His grace and mercy, His provisions, and His faithfulness.  I had a lot to be thankful for.

I will not minimize my thankfulness. I do believe that I was thankful to the extent that I knew to be thankful.  However, cancer taught me a lot more and gave me a deeper understanding of thankfulness.  Since I was a small child, I’d always said grace before eating.  I gave thanks for the food.  Then, as an adult, I began to not only give thanks for the food, but also give thanks for the provisions (health, job, finances, etc.) that allowed me to acquire the food.  Once I started my chemotherapy treatments, things changed.  I had the food, and for the most part, I had the provisions.  But, I didn’t have the appetite, and if I had the appetite, I couldn’t taste the food.   The chemotherapy either eliminated the taste or caused the food to taste bad to me.  For so long, I had failed to be thankful for an appetite and for the taste buds because I had taken them for granted.

I lost all of my hair; I lost my nails; and I lost feeling in my hands.  Many days, I was embarrassed for people to see me, until one morning when I was having a praise break.  Yes, I was being thankful.  I realized that I had been thankful for the many material things that I’d acquired.  However, I hadn’t been thankful for the feeling sensation that allowed me to enjoy those things.  I touched a silk blouse, and it felt the same as if I’d touched any other piece of fabric.  In my thankfulness, I had overlooked the small things.  I had been remiss in my thanks giving.

Today, I am thankful.  I am thankful for things great and small.  I cannot list it all here, because that list would go on-and-on.  However, I am thankful that I know that there’s a lot more to be thankful for than merely the eye can see.  No, I am not thankful for cancer.  I am not crazy.  People die from that.  But I am thankful for the lessons that I’ve learned as a result of having cancer.  To God be the glory and honor for all of the wondrous things He has done!

Happy Thanksgiving!